Making fun of the Ayatollah’s teachings on sex

Ach Gott! Hanged for rape of a minor? But are you sure that Mr. Khomeini, the leader of the Islamic revolution in Iran, has judged this to be a crime at all?

A man can have sexual pleasure from a child as young as a baby. However, he should not penetrate. If he penetrates and the child is harmed then he should be responsible for her subsistence all her life. This girl, however would not count as one of his four permanent wives. The man will not be eligible to marry the girl’s sister.

Sex with an animal? Why not! Yet don‘t eat it afterwards unless it was already dead:

The meat of horses, mules, or donkeys is not recommended. It is strictly forbidden if the animal was sodomized while alive by a man. In that case, the animal must be taken outside the city and sold.

Boah, fucking dead animals. And you thought Islamic fundamentalists had a fundamental problem with alternative sexualities! But that’s because you confuse them with their Christian counterpart. For the Islamic version of religious foolery it’s rather a matter of which animals you are going to penetrate:

If one commits an act of sodomy with a cow, a ewe, or a camel, their urine and their excrements become impure, and even their milk may no longer be consumed. The animal must then be killed as quickly as possible and burned, and the price of it paid to its owner by him who sodomized it.

But whatever species, if you have cum, you are supposed to wash before prayer:

If a man (God protect him from it!) fornicates with an animal and ejaculates, ablution is necessary.

Allah has forbidden anal sex between males, right? Okay, it doesn‘t matter anyway, for in real life you have to be somewhat more pragmatic:

If a man sodomizes the son, brother, or father of his wife after their marriage, the marriage remains valid.

Yeah, religion can be joy. And, of course, this is true for Christian fundamentalism, too! :-D